The 2019 Handley Creative Writing Award
​
Cassie Wilson

When I Met Myself For the First Time

A staggered look between two
held-- then let go.

It was small fragments
a million shards of
glass splintered inside me.
Sunflower tattoo behind my right
shoulder for everyone to see but me.
A soft bullet shot from 
the hand of my first
lover caught by my last

Pink hair dyed three times
weight down a hundred pounds
it was mother asking "have you 
eaten today?"
It was reminding me why I must burn
fire from my body
the sound of a razor ripping skin
blood like sunshine
four years of never hearing 
that sound again 

It was a giant red brick building
it was resilience sculpted onto skin
it was remembrance
it was reminiscence
it was me choosing me
because I want to
it was the cookbook of love and hate
and regret and shame
and most importantly
​forgiveness.
Photo courtesy of Cassie Wilson, 2019.